


Aliases

by Styfas



Category: Good Guys (TV 2010)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Silly, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styfas/pseuds/Styfas
Summary: After Dan's trailer blows up, he ends up staying with Jack.  While there, Dan discovers the agony - and the joy - of Ebay.
Relationships: Jack Bailey & Dan Stark





	Aliases

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of Dan Stark and Jack Bailey do not belong to me. They belong to Matt Nix, the creator, and to the many writers of The Good Guys, to Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks, and to the FOX Network. No copyright infringement is intended, and there is absolutely no profit being made from this little work of fiction.

“Are you doing all right in there, Chef Jacko?” Dan Stark called out from Jack’s Bailey’s living room.

“Yes, Dan. Dinner will be ready soon.” Jack carefully slid a spatula under a grilled cheese sandwich, then turned it over in the pan to let the other side brown. He did the same for a second sandwich, and then took a quick check at the tomato soup that was heating up on the back burner.

Three weeks ago, both men had watched in horror as Dan’s trailer exploded into a fireball; the worst of several end results of three convicts having been released due to an investigation of Dan by the Internal Affairs Officer James Guthrie, otherwise unaffectionately known as the “Cop Killer.” And three weeks ago, Jack offered to take Dan in until he could get back on his feet and find another place to live. Unfortunately, his apartment building didn’t allow pets, so he wasn’t able to take Izzy in – but, happily, she was safe with Ruiz, and Jack and Dan went to visit her every night after work. There had been considerable clean-up to be done at Jack’s apartment, which had been trashed by the same convicts, and Dan helped out; he viewed it as a way of earning his keep. Although there was still plenty of work to be done on the walls, and furniture that would need to be replaced, Jack and Dan, working together as a team, had managed to render the space livable after several days. 

Jack enjoyed being in Dan’s company, and took great pleasure in cheering him up, even going so far as to buy several Foghat CDs for him to replace music that may have been lost in the blast. The two watched TV together, went to movies, went out drinking together, and had several long talks about life and love. To Jack’s surprise, it had become quite a comfortable arrangement. 

Just as Jack was turning down the heat on the tomato soup, he heard Dan’s voice – and what he heard didn’t sound good.

“Damn!” Dan cried as he banged both fists on the desktop. “Sonofabitch! No! DAMN! _DAMN!”_

Jack turned off the two burners on the stove and rushed into the living room. He found Dan seated at his work table, and in front of his computer. At first, Dan was shaking his head in disbelief. Then he dug his elbows into the table and buried his head in his hands.

“What happened?” Jack said. “Did you crash my computer? Dan, you haven’t been downloading porn again, have you?”

Dan raised his head and turned to face his partner. “Come here, and look at this,” he wailed.

When Jack arrived at his desk and saw what was on the computer screen, he successfully stifled a chuckle and managed to keep a straight face. 

Dan spoke in a broken voice. “When the trailer blew up, it was like my whole life went up in flames, too. My medals, my flag, and all that beer in the fridge. What a waste! But when I saw my VHS tape of _Savage and Stark_ , all melted and…” his voice trailed away to air. He paused to wipe tears with the back of his hand. 

“I know,” Jack said. He set a comforting hand on Dan’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry about your trailer.” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’ve been looking for this ever since we became roomies.” Dan said. “I tried Amazon; nothing. And then I tried all the searchy things I could think of. I Googlefied it, and I -“

“I think you mean Googled, Dan.”

“Yeah, whatever. Then I Banged it, and –"

“Banged?”

“Past tense of Bing. Anyhow, I got around to trying Ebay.”

Jack looked at the top of the page and snickered. _“_ Your user name is _Punkbuster?”_

“Hey – I needed a handle. It was the first thing that popped into my head. You like it?”

Jack nodded with a chuckle. He was suitably impressed – and amazed – at Dan’s achievement. Months ago, Dan had been utterly clueless, having no idea how to use a “computer machine” (Dan’s own terminology). Jack had coached Dan along through the days, weeks, and months, in an attempt to get him to be technologically functional. More often than not, Jack failed miserably, because he would become too frustrated with Dan’s incompetence and seeming inability to learn. But somehow, Jack thought as he looked at the screen, some of his instruction must have finally sunk into Dan’s brain. He would never have figured that Dan would figure out how to use search engines, let alone register on Ebay.

“This was the one and only copy of _Savage and Stark_ that I found on the Internet in three weeks,” Dan continued in a whining tone. “ _Three weeks_ , Jacko. And now somebody has stolen from me what was rightfully _mine_.”

Jack spoke gently. “Dan, it was an auction. It wasn’t yours in the first place. Nobody stole it from you.”

“Hey, what’s this ‘bidding history’ thing? Maybe this’ll tell me who stole my movie.” Dan clicked on the number next to the words, and he was taken to another page which listed the bidders and their bid amounts. “AHA! Will you look at that? The sick bastard who stole my movie has to hide behind an alias!”

“Uh…Dan, you’re using an alias, too.”

“But that’s different; my name is made up of actual _words_. What kind of name is ‘c asterisk asterisk b,’ anyway? The coward can’t even come up with real words?”

“It’s part of standard Ebay procedure. Ebay assigns these random names with numbers or letters and asterisks to protect bidders’ identities, so people don’t go all crazy on each other. You can see your own user name, but anyone else who placed any bids along the way will show up with one of those letter and asterisk combination names.”

“How do you know so much about this Ebay stuff?”

“I’ve been known to do some bidding,” Jack admitted.

“Really? Did you ever win anything?”

“Nothing major. Just a CD here and there, and a couple of used books.”

“Well, at least good fortune has smiled upon _you_. But not me. Damn, I can’t believe I didn’t win this thing. And I’m afraid I might never see it again.” Immediately after completing his sentence, Dan’s eyes lit up with a sudden change of thought. “Hey! Remember that place down the street that has those kung fu movies, and cartoons, and stuff? They have all kinds of VHS movies! Let’s call them up and – “

“Had, Dan.”

“What?”

“They _had_ VHS movies. That place closed down months ago.” 

“DAMN! Well, _somebody_ must have it.”

“Nobody carries VHS tapes for rent anymore. It’s pretty much DVDs and Blu-Ray discs these days. _Technology_ , Dan. And Netflix is shutting down so many of the stores that -”

“Netflix? What’s that?”

“It’s a website where you can rent movies. You can either rent hard copies or watch them on your computer.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Renting it would be better than nothing.” Dan fumbled with the mouse, found a search engine, and, after being given the proper spelling from Jack, managed to type the word Netflix with two fingers. He clicked onto the site. Moments later, after some navigation, he met with yet another failure. “DAMN! Netflix doesn’t have it either? That really sucks.”

“Dan, it will turn up again sometime, somehow. I’m sure of it. You’ll just have to be patient.”

“I’ll do my best.” Dan sighed in defeat. “Well,” he said begrudgingly, “at least somebody else has the good taste to want to own a copy of _Savage and Stark_ ; I’ll give them that much.”

“That’s a great way to look at it,” Jack said, patting his friend’s shoulder. “Now, excuse me while I finish up dinner. Give me five minutes, and I’ll have it ready and on the table.”

“I’m afraid I’ve lost my appetite,” Dan said.

“But – ”

“Sorry, Jacko – but I’m just not hungry any more. You go ahead, though.”

“Not while you’re all depressed.” Jack checked his watch. “Tell you what; let’s go visit Izzy. That should cheer you up and take your mind off things for a while. Maybe we can grab something to eat afterwards.”

Dan smiled like a proud father. “Yeah, let’s go see my little darlin’. And then, let’s go get drunk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the next three days, Dan continued moping about, bemoaning his “missed opportunity.” To Jack, it seemed that no amount of Foghat music, dirty jokes, triple meat combo barbecue, or beer and oysters could console his partner. Dan seemed even more high-maintenance than usual, and Jack was steadily growing weary of trying to cheer him up.

On the fourth morning after the auction, Dan finally completed his journey through the five stages of grief – at least where his having lost the Ebay auction was concerned. He was also able to admit to himself that he was probably driving Jack crazy with his attitude. He knew that Jack was doing him a favor – a _huge_ favor – in opening his home and sharing so much of his time. And how, Dan thought, was he thanking his partner? What was he giving in return? Nothing but negative energy. No wonder Jack had seemed withdrawn these past few days. 

When the men returned home from their daily visit with Izzy, Jack excused himself for a moment to use the bathroom. “I’ll be right back,” he said. ”Don’t you go anywhere.” 

Dan shrugged off his brown leather jacket and draped it over the nearest chair. “Sure thing. I’ll check the TV Guide, and see what our options are for entertainment tonight.”

When Jack returned, he wore a huge smile. In his arms, he held a large box wrapped in Sunday Comics newspaper. “This is for you, Dan.”

“For me?” Dan asked, sitting upright. “What for? It’s not my birthday or anything.”

“Just a little something I saw somewhere and thought you might like to have.”

Dan gleefully tore open the wrapping like a child on Christmas morning. He lifted the lid on the box and then pulled out layers of crumpled newspaper that had served to disguise the true size of the gift. When he saw the gift revealed, he gasped, and then laughed with joy. “Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! As I live and breathe; _Savage and Stark!”_ He lifted the VHS tape from the box as if it were the Holy Grail. “Jacko, where did you find this? How did you-“

Jack grinned. “You might want to read the card,” he said. “I slid it into the VHS box.”

“Oh. Right. Okay.” Dan found a small envelope in the box. He slid out the card and read:

_Happy Viewing, Punkbuster!_

_From Ebay User c**b_

“You sly dog!” Dan set the VHS tape, card, and packaging materials down on the coffee table. He stood up, faced Jack directly and opened his arms wide. “You know what to do, roomie. Come on, now; bring it here!”

Jack chuckled as he met Dan for a long, powerful hug.

“Sorry I called you a sick bastard the other day,” Dan said.

“That’s okay. At the time, you didn’t know it was me.”

“Still, it was probably uncalled for. My bad.”

“I understand how you felt – and I didn’t take it personally. So don’t give it another thought. ”

“Thanks.” Dan released Jack from his vice grip. “So, now that I know you’re ‘c asterisk asterisk b,’ would you mind telling me your _rea_ l Ebay name?”

“It’s not important,” Jack said, waving his hand through the air to brush the conversation away.

“Sure it is. I want to know. What’s your name?” 

Dan listened to a soft, mumbled reply from his partner. “Sorry; I’m afraid I didn’t hear you,” he said, even though he had understood exactly what Jack had said. “Could you speak up, please? No need to be shy, now.”

Jack sighed; it was clear that Dan was not going to let this go. “Jacko,” he said. “My Ebay name is Jacko.”

“Aww, you love me, roomie!” Dan’s mouth widened into a Cheshire Cat grin.

“Yeah, Dan. I love you. But not like _that_.”

Dan loved to see Jack flustered and uncomfortable, so he seized the opportunity to tease him. “And what makes you think I meant it like _that_?”

Jack cleared his throat. “Nothing. Nothing. And by the way, this ‘roomie’ thing is only temporary; you do realize that?”

“Of course I do!” He wrapped his arms around Jack again. “Thanks for the present, Jacko. If I were a pansy, I’d give you a big sloppy kiss right now. Good thing you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Jack withdrew from the hug and did a surreptitious half-turn to avoid being pulled into another. “Yeah. Good thing.”

Dan smiled and gave Jack a playful smack on the ass. “So,” he said, his eyes twinkling, “screw TV tonight. We’re gonna watch _Savage and Stark_! I’ll pop in the VHS. How about you go make popcorn and grab some beers?”

“My pleasure, roomie.”


End file.
